Drink Snobbery 101: No Long Island Iced Teas

antikris:

yeah, whatever dickbag.  Call my pallet uncool if you must, but these drinks were delicious and refreshing, and obliterating on a hot as fuck day.  Blow me.  I’m having another

johncarney:

antikris:

Um. Why do i not always drink long island ice teas? One and a half drinks and rocked!

Sorry. This isn’t allowed. No amount of pretty makes up for drinking a terrible drink. Cocktails are like drugs: there are acceptable drugs and unacceptable drugs. You can’t do or drink the unacceptable ones, regardless of their utility.

For some reason, this little douchebag snark from johncarney has been galling me all morning.  “No amount of pretty”? What the fuck is up with that?  How fucking passive-aggressive and demeaning.  Like, “Baby, you’d be totally hot if you weren’t doing that thing you like to do.”  It’s shitbags like this guy who damage women to the point of making them skittish and weird.  I swear, I spent most of college dealing with the collateral damage from guys like this—women totally fucked up because some dude with nice hair and a fast car said as an aside that maybe they didn’t have the body for shorts, or snorted when they laughed, or smiled too big.

Cocktails are not like drugs.  They’re fucking cocktails, and we drink them to feel good or because they taste good or because some asshole has decided to tell us we’d be pretty enough if only….

I say drink a fancy drink if you want to.  Drink something served in half a pineapple if it makes you feel good.  Just don’t fucking put on airs when I belly up to the bar and order a Land Shark Lager or a Tom Collins or a god damn Pina Collada.  It’s what I feel like drinking, and I’m a dude and I can punch you in the fucking throat.

Also, for this johncarney guy? Someone should kick him in the balls once a day at random times for a week.

1. johncarney liked this
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4. dogsareadorable reblogged this from johncarney and added:

   Waitwaitwait…Carney. Stop. There are unacceptable drugs?! Am I on them? I feel unacceptable.

5. johncarney reblogged this from antikris and added:

   Oh. Fine. Next time I see you, I’ll buy...Long Island Iced Tea. I still disaprove but I...

6. 6h057 reblogged this from steampoweredmedia and added:

   Tastes sweet, get’s...fucked up. It’s pretty.

7. tank-commander liked this
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9. steampoweredmedia reblogged this from 6h057 and added:

   A Long Island iced tea isn’t a pretty drink. It looks like iced tea. Maybe that’s exotic outside The South, but I live...

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22. commedesfuckdwn reblogged this from antikris and added:

    What the fuck is this dude’s problem? It’s like Daniel Tosh talking about star wars geeks, “yeah thanks, explain to me...

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25. antikris reblogged this from johncarney and added:

    yeah, whatever dickbag. Call my pallet uncool if you must, but these drinks were delicious and refreshing, and...

26. dhk liked this
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28. baxterp2 reblogged this from antikris and added:

    Much like Long Island itself — seems like...good idea at the time… the regret comes later.

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