If I could receive messages from the Universe, I’d want to know answers to the following questions:
- Why doesn’t somebody come up with a better cable internet/television provider in my area than Time Warner?
- How different are skunks from cats?
- What is the best way to make homemade pasta in a small kitchen?
- Why have you cursed me with skin that requires I use Clearasil at age 27 before I go to bed? Can you un-curse me of this?
- Why can some women walk comfortably in heels and others cannot?
- Will humans ever evolve to be capable of SCUBA diving without equipment?
- What’s my blood type? I never feel sure.
- Is there some herb I can eat so that when I sweat it smells like night-blooming jasmine?
- How do I get a book deal?
- What are Friday’s Megamillions numbers?
- What’s going on with Brangelina really??
Pasta: small batches. since fabricating pasta is different than cooking pasta, I’d also recommend covering your stovetop with cutting boards or some other large, flat item so you can add that surface as additional counter space. Plus, http://blog.ruhlman.com/2008/11/fresh-pasta.html Doesn’t seem like it would take up too much space
Clearasil: try not using soap or anything else to wash your face. I used to suffer from a pretty consistent dusting of acne across my forehead and had the occasional breakout on my nose and cheeks. My wife, who has incredible skin, urged me to stop using soap or face scrub. I did, and it worked wonders. This did not work for my sister, however. Still, it might be worth a try.
Book deal: hipsters or cats. Shit. Hipster cats. Find neighborhood cats, dress them in bike caps and lensless Wayfarers, then caption with hilarious bon mots like “P-U-R? P-B-R is more like it.” or “These tights say they’re not pants. Existentialism.” Like that, but funny. You’ll probably be way better at this than I.
